ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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