9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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