As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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