They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
