Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
