if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
