normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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