i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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