i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
