is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
