Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is Oprah even human
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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