But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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