a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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