he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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