I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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