My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
