Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
