The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
