I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
