She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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