I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
