In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
