stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
me + whiskey = a bad person
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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