I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
