yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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