I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
