i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
