i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize