so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
