Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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