So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
