At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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