I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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