I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
