would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
