I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize