btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
