so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
