genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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