So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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