Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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