I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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