Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
