Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
