My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
