so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
