Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize