Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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