he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
