I bet he comes in French.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
