He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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