Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This baby is an asshole
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize