just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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