Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
