Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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