I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
