I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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