Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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