im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
