i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
