she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
