Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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