Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize