May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This couple is walking their pig around campus
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
