youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
