I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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