Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
