for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
