Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
