You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
