Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
