you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i already hear my dad disowning me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
