Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize