garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Your face is a jimmy john
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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