The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
