I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
