I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
