you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
40s are totally the cure
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
