i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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