Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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