I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
