I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
