Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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