yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
