when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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