This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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