i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can I color on your dick again?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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