Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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