dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
