it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
