So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
