You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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