Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
