last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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