I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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