He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
