just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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