no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The power of my boobs compel you
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
