like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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