I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
