maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
