bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
