It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
