My friends, they love my intelligence
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
