You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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