She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize