I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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