She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
