I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
