Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
