we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize