I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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