Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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