Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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