I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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