last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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